“No one eats candy still wrapped in plastic” is what some young Africans reluctant to use condoms say. Others feel that condoms say “I do not trust you” or even “I do not trust myself”. Suggesting the use of a condom in an already established relationship is just as another way of either confessing that one has been cheating or accusing a partner of cheating.
In fact there are Africans who believe that using a condom during sex does not constitute to having sex at all. “We used a condom” or “it’s not like it was skin to skin” are some of the excuses some partners use to show that they were not “completely” unfaithful. The rationale here is that condoms are largely “the lesser of two evils.”
Then there are young African men and women who believe that “going in live” (sex without a condom) is a badge of bravery. Where being “white” was for many decades of colonial oppression promoted and continues to be promoted as a “good” thing; a mark of higher intelligence, moral superiority, status and privilege, and being “black” and African as “bad”; a sign of diminished intellectual capacity, hereditaty immoral-ness, a position of disadvantage and a curse, these young people are rebelling [a little too late, I have to add] by choosing the ‘bad’ option as a matter of principle. If good white people wear condoms during sex then bad black people will “go in live” as a badge of bravery and honour to their African identity. Not wearing a condom during sex in their twisted thinking means that they are not afraid of what white people are afraid of. They’re therefore braver and more courageous. They are B-a-a-a-d.
It’s good to be proud of our “African sexual prowess” [reality or myth... believe whatever makes you sleep at night], but there is a point at which you must ask yourself, “Is it really worthy it?”
“Creative suffering” sounds brave and courageous but have we Africans ever stopped to think what’ll happen if all the brave and honourable Africans died for no apparent good reason other than proving to “white” people that we are tougher and “badder”? Our people have a saying: “even a crocodile’s back can be cracked by a whip made out of its own skin?”
We’re whipping our own backs to death when even some of our governments still refuse to admit HIV/AIDs is a threat and continue to foot-drag on treatment programmes. Some of us to this day and time still believe that AIDS is a Western plot maliciously cooked up in science labs to try to keep Africans from being sexually active, stop reproduction and eventually come and take over our rich resources and lands. Though fewer than before, some Africans still call AIDS “America’s Intention to Discourage Sex”. All these “conspiracy” theories are causing so much paranoia — and resistance to the use of condoms.
It’s true condoms can in some ways change the beautiful act of love making turning it into a selfish “free-for-all” search for groin – pleasure. I am all for not depersonalizing our sexuality or turning our genitals into tools, our sexual partners into mechanics or computer operators and sex into a bargain chip. Nor should sex be demonized as sinful urges that must be denied, repressed and feared. I have seen the cost of this way of being with my own two eyes; and I am not buying nor selling it.
So yes, I fully understand that Africans want to retain some sense of sacredness around sex. And I agree that sex is best “organic” (happens naturally and effortlessly and with all it’s beauty, sense of otherness, surprise, reverence, magic and mystery of life and the infinite world).
I also understand that with our “poverty”, it’s not realistic to tell someone in the heat of the moment, “you must use a condom” and expect him to run to the nearest drug store and come back panting with a packet of condoms in hand. I can see that working perfectly well in the West especially with good branding and marketing tactics. They have the money to spend on condoms!
But even when given free condoms in a double handful, some Africans — young and old — just toss them off on the roadside still unused because they feel that condoms can create a false sense of “safety”. You can’t trust the people who make and give us these condoms, they say.
True, there can be manufacturing and inspection errors or if used incorrectly one will still get infected, but some safety is better than no safety at all. This is why in addition to using condoms (as a fall back option), we must also pay attention to our own consciences and cultural morals. Its not enough to make sex and sex education all about biology (birds and bees), reproductive rights and equality, and the right to make one’s own decisions.
Sexuality and sexuality education, in addition to all the above should include the essential intelligence of being a healthy sexual being. And that means addressing the deeper issues that all young men and women have to deal with on a daily basis; issues closely tied to communicating and negotiating boundaries of sexual or erotic identity and expression, reducing sexual anxiety, increasing sexual confidence, self esteem, desire, love, romance, intimacy and the sexual act itself. All the vital data that shapes our sexual attitudes, influences sexual behaviour and drives our sex lives. This is the way of our people; these are some of the ways some of us have abandoned and now may be paying a high price for – with our own lives.
Besides being infected with HIV/AIDS, there are emotional, social and spiritual consequences to engaging in sexual activities in improper ways. Act responsibly — it’s in our blood.
March 20th, 2009 
Parker Chuks 
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